Desperate Househusbands Hit Prime Time
Posted on 07. Apr, 2010 by Brian Reid in at-home dads, television
Once upon a time, I used to be able to watch enough TV that nothing in the dad-o-sphere slipped by me. The kiddies were tucked in their beds way before prime time kicked in. Nowadays, not so much, so I missed the latest at-home dad to jump into the boob tube: Parenthood’s “Joel Graham“.
(I should say one thing up front: I haven’t seen the show, so I am basing my opinion totally off of Wikipedia and the show’s website. So, loyal TV-watchers, if I make egregious errors of fact or float opinions that are utterly unsupportable, let me know and I’ll back down. But from what I understand, I’m on pretty safe ground here.)
First, the good news: as far as I can tell, screenwriters have now gotten past the idea that dads who stay home are just off-the-charts, bumbling failures as parents. This is a major victory, and the fact that an at-home dad, cast in a comedy (update: commenter Mer notes that this is technically a drama, per NBC), can be portrayed as anything other than clueless is a great victory for at-home dads and fathers in general. Maybe even a bigger victory than Daddy Day Care. But I digress. (Also: the bad-news flip side of this is that from what I can tell, the go-to-work mom fits the cold-hearted, career-woman stereotype. Which is really unfortunate. Also: is Erika Christensen old enough to credibly play a TV mom? But I digress, again …)
Anyway, the major plot point with SAHD Joel is the sexual tension with the local “supermom” (and the ensuing spousal tension). This is not an entirely new concept; Little Children (both the perfectly good book and the even-better movie) was centered around the endless possibilities you create when you set a hot dad on a mom-dominated playground. The issue I had with Little Children (and, therefore, Joel) is that as appealing as the idea is, I’ve yet to meet an at-home dad who has come anywhere close to being propositioned (or even flirted with) by *anyone*, let alone a Kate Winslett or an Erinn Hayes.
So while I appreciate the shift in popular culture from dads-as-morons to dads-as-sex-objects, I’m not sure that Parenthood is going to make the cut when I finally get TiVo (this summer, perhaps). In fact, I’m kind of rooting for the show to fail (which may not be wholly unlikely) because — if Desperate Housewives has taught us anything — Joel will eventually cheat or end up in an otherwise compromising position, and at-home dads just don’t need that silly stereotype reinforced. It’s taken the better part of half a century to get the whole incompetent-parent thing behind us. I’m not sure I’m ready for another battle.
Lisa Duggan
07. Apr, 2010
(I haven’t watched the show either, so the same disclaimers apply.)
But I haven’t watched the show because, based on my observation of the ads & previews, I see white-only families.
I happen to be friends with five SAHD’s; sexual tension with some SAHM is the last thing they have to worry about — mostly because, on a whole, they don’t care to socialize or ‘playdate’ much, or, they have been excluded from local playgroups because they are men.
And secondly, because they are sleep-deprived, covered in spit-up, and too damn busy feeding, ferrying and taking care of their kids to be in the mood for sex!
Chris / Wrath66
07. Apr, 2010
I’ve watched less than half of the hilarious (sarcasm) “The Whole Family Smokes Pot Together After the Grade School Show” Episode. It was not good. I don’t know which one is the SAHD, but no one was good in the scene which in and of itself, was ridiculously, cloyingly, “Gen-X slacker children turned surprisingly happy and well-adjusted children of ex-hippies turned raging Capitalists” terrible. (Not that I have anything against either of those two groups. Groups represented by myself and my parents respectively.)
As for Desperate SAHDism I have no opinion. Just had to rant re: Parenthood.
Modern Family, on the other hand, is brilliant and genuinely LOL funny. FWIW.
Mer
07. Apr, 2010
I don’t see Parenthood as a comedy at all. Is it considered a comedic drama? It hit home for me with the special needs child and the SAHD (bc I am a SAHM) but, I honestly like the show. I think mostly it is hard hitting. I see Modern Family as the funny version of Parenthood.
I think the working mom in that family fills the position of any “working parent,” with sex not important. This show definitely hits home and is a soap opera for sure (since everything happens to this family, and probably will more so than the general population IRL. )
Brian Reid
07. Apr, 2010
Mer -
Fair comment (I’ll fix the post). NBC calls the show a “drama.” Wikipedia calls it a “comedy-drama.” It is unquestionably inspired by the quite-good 1989 film, which certainly has a comic edge.
Therefore, I am not as certain about the death of the dumb-dad stereotype. But I’m still worried that the illusory allure of glamor and cheap sex will begin drawing millions of men into at-home fatherhood, only to have them terribly disappointed.
Greg
08. Apr, 2010
Fantastic blog Brian! I’m happy to have found it. I’m also happy I became a Rebel Dad after the media stereotypes shifted from incompetent dad to playground stud. I can live with this!
Nick
08. Apr, 2010
Hey Brian,
Great post. I’m not a dad yet but the gender walls are definitely eroding. I watched for a season and a half and just couldn’t do it anymore.
I also noticed that you had a lens on Squidoo. I just started re-investing in Squidoo and have seen some good results, including driving traffic to my blog. Have you thought about re-investing in Squidoo to increase awareness to this blog?
Chris (@tessasdad)
10. Apr, 2010
Good post. Although I haven’t seen it yet, I’m heard similar things from other dads.
Can you add my stay-at-home dad blog when you get a chance?
Stay at Home Dad in Lansing (http://sahdinlansing.com)
Thanks
paul
12. Apr, 2010
I watch the show and it is getting better with each episode. For the most part, the show’s plot lines are pretty real. I know people who have had similar issues as the ones on the show, so it’s a pretty honest look.
Obviously, the SAHD plot line about flirting between two parents is horsefeathers, but I am hoping that it doesn’t stick around long. (It supposedly got resolved last week, I am hoping it stays that way.) What I like about the SAHD on the show is that he is a really good dad, and completely on top of things around the house. How often is that the case?
Don’t give up on the show just yet…
Micaela
14. May, 2010
hey Brian! Coming late to the party but, like Paul, I’d recommend you watch Parenthood, just get past the first three eps which almost made me give it up due to the Julia and Crosby characters. There’s a lot of positive male/dad portrayal — my favorite is Peter Krause as the older brother and father of two. I love the way they’re writing his character, showing him as a very involved dad/uncle/brother/son. And I think Joel is being written a lot better than his wife, tho they seem to have toned down her neurosis a bit. And she IS the “super-achiever of the family” character anyway, so there’s bound to be some irritation at her just because.
Modern Family is great in the portrayal of the “gay dads” couple. Even tho the SAHD is a super over-the-top drama queen. Ray Romano and Andre Braugher are sweet, involved dads (tho not SAHDs) in Men of a Certain Age, as is Nathan Fillion in Castle. I think it’s improving, we’re seeing more dads having positive relationships with their children without needing their wives as mediators, and we’re seeing them cook, change diapers, put away laundry, etc. *competently* as a matter of course.