More Manifesto-Inspired Thoughts
Posted on 20. Dec, 2006 by Brian Reid in manifesto
One of the great things about putting your thoughts out into the ether of the Internet is that you get feedback that is immediate and (usually) insightful. And so it has been with the manifesto effort. My originial manifesto contained one element that a few folks have taken issue with:
3. Outsource your anxiety. Pediatricians are trained to tell when a bout of the stomach flu is worth worrying about. Call them early and often, but trust ‘em when they tell you it’s OK. (And if you can’t trust ‘em, find someone that you can trust.) Same goes for teachers, guidance counselors, etc.
My intention was to let parents know that you can’t live in perpetual worry; you have to retain the belief that the experts will let you know when something is awry. This, of course, has its limits, and there were plenty of comments and manifestos that suggested — far from outsourcing anxiety — parents ought to trust their gut and not remain the first, last and fiercest advocate for their kids whenever anything was amiss. To that point, I received this e-mail last week:
I wholeheartedly disagree with Item No. 3 posted below your request for information.My sister passed away (before I was born) because my parents listened to the pediatrician. She was born with health complications, and when she was sick at one month, the pediatrician said they were booked and she would have to come the following day. A few hours later, she had passed. I am sure my parents regret to this day, not demanding that she be seen, or taking her to the ER.
I suppose for your hypocondriach readers, the advice in No. 3 is suitable. My advice (coming from a non-mother) would be to trust your instincts when dealing with a sick child, and do not always trust the pediatrician who is giving you advice over the phone, when your gut tells you otherwise. Better safe then sorry when dealing with the health of an infant.
Despite my initial don’t-worry-be-happy stance, I find it hard to disagree with these sentiments. There is a balance, I’m sure, but this note is a reminder that a few false alarms are far preferable to even one serious but rationalized-away problem. I stand corrected.
Dave Crowell
21. Dec, 2006
If the little voice in your head keeps trying to find ways to rationalize that your kid is ok.. then your gut is telling you that you are out of your realm of expertise.. and THAT is when you should go to someone.. and at that point you go as fast as you need to in order to shut up that voice.. That voice is usually good about saying, “go now” or “ok.. tomorrow morning”.. but don’t let your scheduling brain convice you to wait until the traffic/waiting room/etc will be less crowded.. if that voice is talking.. listen and act to get that voice to shut up.
Just my thoughts.. You’ll never forgive yourself for doing anything less. .. on that note.. listen to your kid.. they probably won’t protest going to the Doc if they need to.. they are scared.. and if you are too.. then go just to ease their fear and to teach them to trust THEIR gut.
Enjoy!
Dave
)
anonymous stepmom
21. Dec, 2006
Hi Rebel Dad,
I recently commented to your manifesto and it is causing some upset. Would you please remove my name from the comments and just list me as anonymous stepmom? I appreciate your help. Thanks.
Deanna McNeil
17. Jan, 2007
New reader poking her head in here to chime in with this thought:
We turn to doctors, teachers, etc for their educated OPINIONS. That is what they can offer you. We value them very much but ultimately, parents in many ways are the genuine experts on their own children. So this notion of listening to your gut? It is very much founded on a great deal of knowledge a parent has stored away about their child.