Posted on 01. Nov, 2005 by Brian Reid in General
This blog stays pretty apolitical, unless the subject touches on policies directly affecting at-home parents. And, in the event you haven’t been paying attention, there are some gender-neutrality/work-life/parenting issues at play in the nomination of Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court. I am not qualified to go into Alito’s anti-FMLA decision of five years ago, though Angry Bear does an excellent job. (Thanks, Chip.)
To something different: Time to knock off some items that have been sitting around in the “rebeldad” del.icio.us tag for a little while:
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution takes on the evergreen PTA-wants-more-dad story. I love this story. In the hyper-competitive world of child-raising, making the PTA a gender-neutral requirement of an involved family can only pay dividends.
Interesting Boston Globe Miss Conduct etiquette column on whether single dads hosting playdates should be seen as a threat. Love the response:
I’ve invited some of my 6-year-old daughter’s school friends over for play dates, and some moms have reciprocated. A couple of her friends live only with their dads, and I feel uncomfortable letting my daughter go to a house where she and the friend will be alone with a man I don’t know well. How do I respond if one of these dads invites my daughter over to play with his daughter? My husband says I’m being sexist and unfair. Am I?
R.L. /// Newton
I can’t get all judgy on you, because your motive is so clearly innocent. You want to protect your kid, and who can blame a mom for that? So, no, I can’t call you sexist and unfair. But I do think you should reconsider your assumptions…
The discomfort so many feel when men are around the children of others is a meaningful obstacle to bringing up children in a true gender-neutral environment, and it goes at least a little way toward explaining why preschool and elementary ed is almost exclusively female. But — as Miss Conduct makes plain — a little reason can go a long way.
Nicole
01. Nov, 2005
My father was a stay-at-home dad. (I’m 26.) When I was four years old, I took a dance class. Everyone else’s mom got to come in and help them change into leotards. Because I had a father, I got to change by myself — no dads allowed. It amazes me that people’s attitudes have changed so little.
Tim
01. Nov, 2005
You may want to revisit your criticism via association on the Scalia decision of the FMLA case. The case was not about the FMLA in general but more specifically on the legality of Congresses ability to violate the States sovereign immunity in allowing citizens to sue the states for violations of the act in Federal court.
The following link better explains this point of view:
http://althouse.blogspot.com/2005/10/alito-and-family-medical-leave-act.html
Rebel Dad
02. Nov, 2005
Tim -
Thanks for the comment. Though I don’t ever pretend to be a lawyer, it’s worth noting that Alito’s FMLA decision was overruled by the SCOTUS in a 6-3 decision (written by Rehnquist, father of state’s rights decision). But leaving aside the 11th amendment concerns, Alito expresses disdain for the concept of family leave (“Indeed, it is
doubtful that a practice of allowing less sick leave than the
FMLA requires would even have a disparate impact on men
and women.”). I happen to think having less legal leave available has a huge and disparate impact on primary caretakers (usually women), and I’m a bit shocked by Alito’s dismissive tone.
Hogan
02. Nov, 2005
It’s not just moms who feel uncomfortable about leaving their daughter (or son) with a another dad - single, divorced, working or at-home. I had a mom tell me that she was okay with having me care for her daughter but that her husband had an issue with it.
It is sad that little has changed. What bothers me is how moms and dads don’t give having another mom care for their daughter or son a second thought. However, if it is a dad they feel uncomfortable and want a background check on him.
All I, or other dads I’ve talked with, want is to be trusted and given the same courtesy other moms receive from other parents when it comes to caring for girls.
Here is my advice and what I think Miss Conduct should have told the mom. “You are being unfair. Make an effort to get to know the dads as soon as possible. Invite them over for coffee. Or when one of the dads picks up his daughter at your house talk with him to learn more about him. Or when you see the dads at the school, park, mall or grocery store make time to have a conversation with them. Then if one of the dads does invite your daughter to their home you can base your decision on what you learned about him during those conversations.”
Hogan
Tom
03. Nov, 2005
Personally I’d be uncomfortable letting my daughters play at a friends house where she’d be alone with a man or a woman I didn’t know well.
Jeff
04. Nov, 2005
I wouldn’t let my daughter’s around any of you…..
just kiddin’ fellas.