Posted on 05. May, 2004 by Brian Reid in General
Rather than complaining about getting fathers involved, pediatricians are now pushing for constructive ways to get dads involved in the health and welfare of their children, according to this piece in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. The story is hung on a new report from the American Academy of Pediatrics that is well worth reading.
Here’s the crux: pediatricians should make it as easy as possible to get fathers into the office, and, once there, the pediatricians should do their best to make sure a father is willing and able to play a key role in his child’s life. And it notes the good news that there are more and more dads already involved.
Here are some of the suggestions offered in the report:
1. Remind the family that fathers are not only workers or breadwinners and mothers or partners are not only nurturers or primary providers of child care. They share these roles, complementing one another, often to the benefit of the child.
2. As early as in the delivery room or nursery and if culturally appropriate, fathers can be given responsibilities for caring for and making decisions regarding the child.
3. Encourage fathers to assume some roles in the care of the child, and encourage the mother to let the father be involved and learn from his own mistakes. Early time alone with the child helps a father gain confidence and develop his own style of interaction and provides a mother or other parent with much-needed time alone.
4. Determine how comfortable the father is with his parenting skills and whether he has concerns.
5. Explore with the father ways to decrease maternal stress. This might include his helping with meals or household chores, the involvement of other family members with household tasks, or the hiring of household help.
6. Identify institutions and policies that facilitate fathers’ involvement and work-family balance. Encourage child care centers, support groups, and schools to involve and include fathers. Promote the use of policies such as the Family Medical Leave Act (codified at 29 CFR 825 [1993]) and flexible work schedules as ways to balance employment and family responsibilities.
For what it’s worth, I’d like to throw the full support of Rebel Dad behind these steps. I can’t think of a better agenda. We need every ally we can get in the battle to make fathercare as natural and accepted as mothercare, and the AAP is one heck of an ally.
Rebel Dad
28. Nov, 2010
Amy -
Thanks for the feedback. Here’s how you get dads to use the legal rights they have:
1. Make sure they know ‘em. (Rebel Mom had an exchange with a gentlemen in her HR department that was clueless about what the FMLA provided to men. Scary.) Of course, how you do that is a tougher question …
2. Get a test case out there to prove that using such benefits *isn’t* career suicide. When I took parental leave at my old job — perhaps the first guy to do so — it unleashed a torrent of guys intertested doing the same thing.
-rD
amy
28. Nov, 2010
So I’m running some parents’ groups out of the university women’s center, starting to serve on boards that dole out state funds for family services, volunteering with other local/state women’s and family-related organizations, and keeping in touch with family-friendly state legislators (access is easy in IA). I figure two years of doing that will give me a reasonable idea of what’s needed & possible, and then the team-building and fundraising start.
I’ve had an introduction to feminist history & received wisdom as I’ve been working on these things, and since it’s time for me to understand where the ideas are received from, I’ll be starting some Women’s Studies classes in the fall.
And all because I’m pissed at being treated like some sort of Mom zombie after 35 years of being treated like a bright & capable human being. Not too keen on how my husband gets treated, either. Very deep sense of “Hey, fuck this.”
There are some other side projects. I’m kind of h
Hogan Hilling
06. May, 2004
Been advocating these ideas for years. It was part of my presentation at the Lamaze International Conference in 2002. Glad to hear that the AAP is finally doing something about it.
Hogan
amy
06. May, 2004
OK, so here’s a question for all you people, related to No. 6 on that list:
What do you think would make it easier for paycheck dads to approach their bosses for “family-friendly” items like flextime, jobshares, part-time schedules, a slower (but still in force) promotion schedule, and more general understanding that their family lives don’t end with making money?
Yesterday I had a curious conversation with the woman who’s in charge of Work/Life issues at the University of Iowa. She seems to be heavier into the service-providing end (lactation rooms, childcare grants, etc.) than the mediation/advocacy end (persuading unwilling bosses to use the work/family balance tools the university makes available).
hang on -
amy
06. May, 2004
She’s done a lot of work in a short time on that service-providing end, but when I suggested that one service of an office like hers might be to teach employees what they can ask for and how to do it, she slid away from the subject pretty fast. And nearly all the work/family balance talk we had dealt with mothers — except for a mention of the guy who’s suing the U for not allowing him to use sick leave for paternity pay, simply because he’s a guy, and the flood of “yeah, me too” contacts he had afterwards that persuaded his lawyers to go class-action. That was something else she really didn’t want to linger on.
My sense at the end was that she didn’t really know what university fathers wanted in terms of work/life balance, and was not focused on dealing with the biases against men in work/family issues. I’m looking for suggestions for making her aware of the problem and potential solutions.
amy
Anonymous
06. May, 2004
There are some underlying issues here. Denial and another example of how Corporate America still doesn’t understand what working dads need or want - job security.
For example, one company thought that father-friendly meant providing dry cleaning service and helping him select a coach for his son’s sport’s team. When all a dad wants is to feel comfortable asking to either be the coach or attend a few games without jeopardizing a promotion or his job. (Games which are sometimes played at 4:00, 5:00 pm on weeknights.)
There is a lot dads can do too. They have more power than they think but are afraid to say anything. Change will never happen unless the dads make their voices heard.
Cont’d next page.
Hogan
Hogan Hilling
06. May, 2004
One thing dads can do is organize and support open discussion meetings at their place of work or recruit dads to meet elsewhere. Half the battle for dads is learning how to talk to each other about fathering issues.
Corporate America could also make donations to support open discussion forums for dads. How about a dad’s convention in their respective communities?
Hogan
Rebel Dad
06. May, 2004
All in favor of hiring Hogan as the national work/life coordinator, raise your hands.
-rD
Russ
06. May, 2004
Consider my hand raised!
Russ
06. May, 2004
Seriously, I think this is a critical issue. Dads really need to start organizing around ideas like this. Change will not happen unless the public at-large (or at least a well organized and vocal group) demands it.
Props to the AAP for their sensible report and suggestions! It’s certainly a step in the right direction.
amy
06. May, 2004
Thanks, this is helpful. Please post more if you think of them.
Hogan Hilling
06. May, 2004
Thanks for the nomination! I’d be happy to take the job and for a nominal fee too. It would be a dream job for me.
Amy, what kind of work do you do?
Hogan
amy
07. May, 2004
Apart from raising my daughter? (I’m “stay-home”, though we don’t seem to be home much these days.) I’m one of those goddamn MFA writers, and increasingly a community activist. Like a lot of other writers, got a string of unrelated jobs behind me, which makes it hard to say what my work is: OSX/unix admin, webmaster, aerobics instructor, community-college English teacher, industrial analyst, Congressional staffer, reporter, lab rat, studio model, barista, etc. (Pilot didn’t work out. Chemist didn’t either.) Medium-term goal is to found a parents’ center in Iowa City, which is a pretty friendly place for that kind of work. The idea is to have a central kid-friendly place for playgroups, classes, seminars & support groups, and to serve as a local/state advocate for parents on issues like workplace flexibility and childcare.
hang on -
amy
07. May, 2004
hyper, that is. =)
Hogan Hilling
07. May, 2004
Doesn’t get much to get you going. Understand your feelings about how your husband gets treated. I have plenty of war stories including my experiences with the PTA at our elementary schools. Kudos to all you’ve done and are currently involved in strengthening families in Iowa. If your parent center ever has an interest in servicing dads, email me at hilling1@cox.net. You can also check out my website at http://www.prouddads.com.
Hogan