The Foolishness of David Brooks
Posted on 25. Feb, 2010 by Brian Reid in Uncategorized
I’m a week late on this, but over at the New York Times, columnists Gail Collins and David Brooks had an interesting debate about the future of men, given the ugly place we’re in right now, economy-wise. Collins makes a wonderful and compelling argument that perhaps we’d be better off if more guys were more willing to accept the mantle of at-home dad, thereby allowing their higher-earning spouse to go out and maximize her earning potential. (I realize this is a dangerous idea to get behind, because I don’t agree with the converse: that low-earning women should automatically default to the homemaker role. But still …)
Here is how Collins lays it out:
I think they should also be encouraged to stay home with the kids. In fact, we should celebrate it. In the grand sweep of American lifestyle choices, stay-at-home fatherhood is possibly the only one that doesn’t get eulogized in our popular culture.
Brooks on the other hand, a smart guy who has some of the most valuable real-estate in all of American, says that can’t work because of “evolutionary psychology, which suggests that women are just more nurturing.” Look, I love evoluationary psychology. I think it’s fascinating and thought-provoking. And I think that it does a piss-poor job of describing or explaining modern society. Swap the logic around, and women should be staying home in greater numbers and staying the heck out of boardrooms. Clearly, that’s not happening (thank goodness). Here’s his money quote:
In theory, I agree with you. Men should be staying home more. But I do think for many working-class men, we will find ourselves running into some pretty stiff headwinds. I come back to evolutionary psychology, which suggests that women are just more nurturing. … So I wonder how many former construction workers are really going to be willing to stay home, even if I suspect they would find it surprisingly rewarding.
The answer to Brook’s rhetorical question is simple: there are a lot of former construction workers who are “really” willing to stay home (I know some of them). What keeps those guys from taking the plunge has a lot more to do about outdated stereotypes (perpetuated by Brooks) than it does with evolutionary psychology.
Matt
25. Feb, 2010
I really hate the argument that men should stay at home because life is leaving them behind- men aren’t going to college so they should stay home, more men have gotten laid off, so they should stay at home, men’s skills aren’t relevant anymore, so they should stay at home. We’re going to find ourselves with a lot of depressed and angry men (and children) if men are forced into staying at home because they have nothing better to do. By the way, staying at home requires more skill, thought, and patience than any job that I have ever had.
Edgar
25. Feb, 2010
I don’t get put off by the double take that occurs when I mention I am a stay at home dad. For a year and a half I have been one. That is also the amount of time I have not had a job. I go through periods of feeling down or guilty because I am not bringing in a pay check. But, I feel that’s natural for anyone who’s in that position. I fully agree with Matt about the challenges of being at home full time brings. Comparing my past job’s to this moment in my life it is the most challenging. I am fortunate to share this time in my daughters life. Certain people are not going to get over the stigma of parental role reversal but, by choice or circumstances it is a true reality.
Steven
26. Feb, 2010
I think that Brooks and Collins both miss an important element of the influence of evolutionary psychology (or instinct) on this issue. The point is not only that women are more nurturing (“on average,” they are). More at issue is the front-in of the mate selection process. How many women would “prefer/choose” the stay-at-home guy vs. a successful provider? The stay-at-home option for men is usually “allowed” well in to the life of a stable relationship. Often the man has already achieved and produced before taking on the other role. Studies show some problems for couples where the man earns less and/or is coaxed to this role. Men would love the option to choose this — a relief from the life-long burden of only a providership role. But good luck to the man trying “win” a woman with this preference in the beginning…unless he has already made his economic mark and brings those assets to “the kitchen table.” Men will gladly stay at home if this increases their sexuall attraction to women. Women can and should excel in workplace. Men can and would be willing to excel as “homemakers.” The question is, will instinctual sexaul chemistry and the unsconsicous gender bargain exchange truly support this.
Denguy
28. Feb, 2010
“What keeps those guys from taking the plunge has a lot more to do about outdated stereotypes (perpetuated by Brooks) than it does with evolutionary psychology”
Well said, Rebeldad, and I also agree with Matt’s comment: “if men are FORCED into staying at home…” It could make for some difficult situations.
Man or woman, the stay-at-home parent should be the one who wants to stay-at-home.
Nick
01. Mar, 2010
Great comment Steven, and I think those are really the right questions. Meanwhile, Brooks continues to out-do himself. Brooks the conservative intellectual columnist is neither conservative nor intellectual nor a columnist. Discuss…
frank b
05. Mar, 2010
i agree with denguy! i think he sums it up best…”man or woman, the stay-at-home parent should be the one who wants to stay-at-home”.
believe me when i say there quite a number of stay-at-home moms that do NOT want to be there. i know because i meet them everyday…more nurturing or not.
i also see a lot of dads during the day that just look miserable being at home with their children. a bit sad but true. regardless of outdated stereotypes, if you are a person who is concerned by what people think and don’t fully appreciate that you are doing one of the most important jobs on this earth, it will definitely drive your desire to be a stay-at-home dad.
i am a stay-at-home dad by choice, but also have a business with a partner in which i earn an income comparable to what i earned before i was let go from my office back in october of 2008…talk about work. multiply what you would normally do as a stay-at-home dad and multiply it by 10. good luck. i’m running around constantly, but enjoy every minute of it because i get to experience something too few men get a chance to experience. this i will always treasure. i am extremely proud to be a stay-at-home dad and challenge any working man or woman for that matter to do as much as i do on a daily basis nurturing my daughter, earning an income, and paying bills simultaneously.
on that note, i’m out. too many things to do that prevent me from sitting here too long shooting the breeze.
job well done on this blog…keep up the good work!
B. Camp
05. Mar, 2010
I would think that it is no more right to encourage men to stay at home then it is currently deemed right to encourage women to stay at home. Women today have been encouraged to have their own career and to believe that economic independence is essential. It would be difficult to tell men that the same is not true for them.
As you know there are very few women today who stay at home as compared to the past. If you say it is “outdated stereotypes’ that’s stopping men from staying home, then what is stopping women? Do you also know women who would like to stay at home but are prevented by the current emphasis on the need for women to be independent?
Why is it an “outdated stereotype” that an adult should have a career and be able to support themselves? What would happen to these men that you want to stay at home, if in the future their wife decides to leave them?
Nathan
10. Mar, 2010
I gotta say that living in Sweden - and being on paternity leave - has once and for all broken down every single bit of that evolutionary psychology crap. Here, both men and women work. Both men and women (to a large degree, not equal yet thought) split their copious amount of parental leave.
When everyone is getting 6-12 months home with the kid, both the dads and moms look about the same level of happy or not happy. I realize that in the US, we are light years away from this, making it all so much more loaded and complicated.
But it does not have to be … if you can handle life in the welfare state …