Words Matter
Posted on 16. Jun, 2009 by Brian Reid in General
Almost all of the commentary I’ve received around this blog over the almost 6+years I’ve posting have been positive. But the negative comments almost all fall into the category of people telling me to lighten up: there is no reason to froth at the mouth about the term “Mr. Mom” or assume that a mothers-only internet community should be seen as somehow suspect.
I’m not sure I’ve always been able to answer that criticism well, but now I can simply point folks to this excellent guest blog over at the New York Times’ Motherlode blog. A quick hit from author Paul Hankes Drielsma:
I don’t want to play the role of the “woe is me” father; to the contrary, I believe that everybody loses when we use trivializing language. Scour the parenting forums on the Internet and you’ll find the common lament that “DH” (darling husband) expects a medal whenever he “babysits” junior for a few hours. I have little sympathy for DH in these cases, but maybe a step in the right direction would be to stop using language that suggests hired help — to stop referring to DH’s job in the same terms as somebody who could legitimately stick his hand out at the end of his shift and demand a tip. DH isn’t babysitting, he’s parenting, and just changing that one word changes, for me at least, all sorts of connotations. A parent assumes supreme responsibility, and the only short-term thanks expected are the smiles on those chubby little cheeks. A babysitter assumes some responsibility, but never without those emergency numbers on the fridge, and he or she expects a ride home and fifteen bucks an hour.
Maggie
17. Jun, 2009
I don’t think you need to “lighten up” you should at least be annoyed by the term “Mr. Mom” it’s belittling and disrespectful.
And don’t get me started on calling a dad taking care of his children “babysitting.” My husband gets this all the time when he is out alone with our daughter and it drives him crazy! Along with the unsolicited advice strangers give him, as if he is a bumbling fool who doesn’t know the first thing about parenting his own child!
And this comes from men and women. I don’t know how some women can complain about men not doing their fair share of the parenting duties when they often act as if their husbands are incompetent or at least that their husband’s are only there to “help” their wives because it’s not just as much their responsibility to take care of their children.