SAHDs Don't Have Uzis. Or Cooties.
Posted on 05. Feb, 2008 by Brian Reid in General
I have spent a lot of time — here, in the media, at the At-Home Dad Convention — telling people that while at-home dads often feel isolated, it’s not a gender thing (at-home moms feel isolated, too). There is no conspiracy to ignore dads on the playground. There is no underground network of mommy playgroups that systematically keeps neighborhood dads away.
But let me now carve out one exception to my there’s-no-conspiracy-against-SAHDs stance. If you are an at-home dad and you live in a certain neighborhood of Nashville, a woman named Lindsay Ferrier is more than willing to blackballing you from her playgroup:
I imagined a play group where I no longer felt comfortable ranking the Wiggles on a hotness scale of 1 to 10, or discussing the pros and cons of boob jobs. I felt for this guy, really, I did, but I knew what I had to do.“Look, it could never work, OK?” I said. “I’m telling you, my play group is full.”
Ferrier tries to make the point that she has respect for these guys, doesn’t mind having them over and thinks they have a hard slog of it. She just doesn’t want them around her friends. And she also spends some time poking fun at the idea that anyone would ever be seriously bothered by what she wrote. (She blogged on the topic and also posted in the comments to Gaming With Baby’s thoughtful take.)
Jeez. I figured that once we all got beyond second or third grade, boy and girls (or men and women) could spend time together without it becoming some sort of Major Social Moment. Apparently, not. Not in Nashville, anyway.
11 Responses to “SAHDs Don't Have Uzis. Or Cooties.”
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24. Sep, 2010
[...] long time, I assumed that excluded dads were something of an urban legend. And then I heard about a Nashville mom interested in keeping dads away. And then I saw Dana Glazer’s wonderful film, Evolution of Dad, which captures, on tape, a [...]
Jennifer (Penguin)
05. Feb, 2008
Thanks for the link, rebeldad. I’m not sure that I want to join the argument over on her blog, but I had to comment somewhere, as my SAHD husband has been telling me the details of the boob jobs coming up in his SAHM network (the school run, not the playgroup - maybe people get more relaxed as they get more used to parenthood).
W
05. Feb, 2008
I’m a new dad, but not a SAH. I also live in Nashville and read Lindsay Ferrier regularly. She’s right. You can’t really take her seriously. She also posted awhile back that being a SAHM is pretty easy.
Will
05. Feb, 2008
Walk a mile in our shoes, W. SAHDs face this kind of ridicule every single day. Lindsay’s vain attempt at humor only exasperates the bias and intolerance that we face everyday.
E.Argus
05. Feb, 2008
She comes across as very conceited and elitist to me. Even as a chick I would feel uncomfortable in her group, not all of us like talking about guys and boob jobs and act like we are still in high school. Geez.
lizriz
06. Feb, 2008
Even if she was just trying to be funny - Just UG.
SkumChiken
08. Feb, 2008
Here’s the real gist of her column:
“The moms, all of whom generally arrive with hilarious stories about their bumbling husbands, irritating in-laws or pending divorces, all sat around with bright, false smiles and exchanged nervous pleasantries for 45 minutes until the dad finally made up some excuse, grabbed his son and split. As soon as the front door slammed, we all burst out laughing.”
It exposes her and her playgroup to be nothing more than bigoted, self-righteous, conceited cows.
Rick
09. Feb, 2008
In the hope of turning this whole issue in a productive direction, any SAHD looking for other dads in Nashville should check out: http://groups.mac.com/stayathomedads&lang=en
We’re out there, and we’re getting together.
Rick
Will
09. Feb, 2008
Rick,
One problem with the link you left here, and over at my place, it takes one to the .mac login screen and not to a SAHDs website. I haven’t published your comment yet because of that. You got another URL?
Rick
11. Feb, 2008
Ack! Sorry about that, we need to get a dedicated web space that anyone can view. In the interim, if there are any Middle TN SAHDs reading this, e-mail Chris at ccsr AT mac DOT com and we’ll get you on the playgroup e-mail!
“Lepers” unite.
KC
14. Feb, 2008
Hey it happened to me, and the ruboff came from someone the wife and I thought was a friend, an enlightened friend even: http://preview.tinyurl.com/2ccyyv