Career Advice to be Wary Of
Posted on 30. Jan, 2009 by Brian Reid in General
I’ve gone back and forth with career guru Penelope Trunk several times on whether at-home dads are generally happy. I am of the opinion that SAHDs are just as content as the rest of the population (and the ones that chose the role are probably more content than your average Joe). Penelope, based on her own reading of the situation, strongly feels that any happy at-home dad is either self-delusional or actually working part-time.
Earlier this month, Penelope wrote “5 career tips women should run from” and once again took the opportunity to say, point-blank, that she “doesn’t believe men are happy in [the at-home] role.”
We’re at the point now where no amount of blogging or e-mailing Penelope is going to change her mind, so I’m posting here mostly to ensure that the next time someone Googles for “Penelope Trunk at-home dad,” they get a balanced idea of what dads *really* think.
Kelly M. Bray
30. Jan, 2009
Being a stay at home dad for a year was the best, most rewarding, spiritually fulfilling time of my life. It changed completely how I have lived. I make less because of it, but I am far happier. My children are amazing and growing up into fine young men.
David
30. Jan, 2009
Wow, I thought I was happy. Maybe I am delusional.
DK
30. Jan, 2009
I’m a stay at home dad and I couldn’t be happier with that decision…. so take that Penelope. I pretty sure I’m not delusional and I used to also work part-time but quite because it was making me unhappy dealing with scheduling conflicts with my wife’s work and it cut into time alone with my wife.
Phil
30. Jan, 2009
Over 9 years now and have been happy the whole way through. Not that there haven’t been bumps and challenges along the way, but I have been very content with my path. Maybe she’s just jealous.
always home and uncool
31. Jan, 2009
It must suck to be as wrapped up in trying to deny one’s own inadequacies and shortcomings as Penelope constantly is.
Kelly M. Bray
31. Jan, 2009
I never said I wasn’t delusional. It just depends on the subject.
Jason Glaser
31. Jan, 2009
She is the living embodiment of negative connotation of “those who can’t, teach.” Her marriage failed, and she was married to a guy who stayed at home for a while, which she lumped in with the rest of us SAHDs. Since she feels if she couldn’t make the set-up work, no one can, she is set in her opinion.
My wife and I worked at the same company for a while (the one I left to be a SAHD, actually). My wife’s boss could not WAIT to get rid of me because she believed whole-heartedly that couples cannot co-exist in the workplace and be productive and/or happy. This was because she and her husband couldn’t do it, and they got a divorce. It had to gall her that there was already ANOTHER married couple who had been in the department since before she got there, and are still happily married to this day, and productive workers — for someone else. Her constant harping helped drive them to leave the company.
chase Conway
01. Feb, 2009
Good stuff. Its funny how someone can be in the mind of dads who actually want to raise their kids. Its as if she is saying that dads are not capable of being satisfied by their own kids.
She is crazy.
Ron Rattie
02. Feb, 2009
I’ve been a stay at home dad since 2003 and I love it! I was never big on dressing up for the office and relentless meetings that seem to cut into my work.
I’ve been there from the beginning for my son and now my daughter and I love that. It can be challenging at times trying to get projects finished when my little girl keeps stealing my pretzel sticks, but I manage.
Oh and I have a full-time job + I work freelance for several clients, and I’m renovating my basement. Couldn’t do all that if I had to “go to work” everyday.
GratefulDad
03. Feb, 2009
Like I need this lady to define me? Tell me how I am feeling? I think I can see why her husband won’t talk to her, in a way. But, just because she and her husband lack the communication skills to make it work means we all do?
rudy
04. Feb, 2009
In today economy it is a wonderful privledge and experince to be with our children. It has been wonderful being at home. I can not count the many daily laughs i get from my children. Whem mom comes home, she is happy and feels so bless to have a guy like me in her life. Not all are made to be at home or can give up thier careers, like me. And there is no book in life to say who stays home. Daycare is outrageously expensive. I am feeling delusional now. It must be a dream I feel I have retired at 38. And Now i can go fishing till 2 pm. then pick up kids to go to chucky cheese it is wednsday, Ooh i love chucky cheese. My brothers, friends, and delivery guys all ask where can i find a woman like that? Does she have a sister, cousin, or mother. I just replie “All Mine, go away” Oh thefe I go getting delusional. I never dream of such a wonderful life. And to all you dads out there keep up the good work. I love the love that come to top it off at night, A happy woman that knows what she has
amy
05. Feb, 2009
My SAHD husband has good days and bad days with our 15-month-old, but almost all SAHMs I know have rough times, as well. It’s not easy being a full time parent, but every time he has a really rough day and I bring up daycare, he shoots me down. I think he’s where he wants to be.
Anonymous
12. Feb, 2009
Penelope needs to get laid.
Dee
13. Feb, 2009
I went to Penelope’s link that you provided and IMHO she is the one who is delusional.
She seems to be the one who has a problem with her husband being a SAHD.
She’s “shocked” that he wrote SAHD as his profession on LinkedIn.
Then a few paragraphs later she calls him the king of details. That sounds like a desirable quality for an employee in the traditional business world. Not to mention all the organizational skills, etc. that go along with being a SAHD. If you can run a household, you’ve got marketable skills.
Maybe the reason she’s so “shocked” is that, by her own admission, she has no idea what her husband is doing or thinking or the problems or concerns he wrestles with.
Apparently alone as she’s certainly not there for him. She seems to be too busy telling herself what a “great career expert” she is and congratulating herself for being the one “who kept up a career”. Sheesh!
Dan
14. Feb, 2009
I am not a dad yet, but one day when I am one, I am fully prepared to be a SAHD. My wife absolutely LOVES the major she’s in, and is excited about the prospects of working in her chosen field. I, on the other hand, have no real interest in my major of choice, and I am completely comfortable with the notion of leaving my cubicle behind and staying home with the kids while my wife goes to a job that she actually gets satisfaction out of. And honestly, I don’t really know what bad could come of that.
Kelly M. Bray
18. Feb, 2009
I went to Bring Your Grandparents Day at my 11 year old’s school because his grandparents are gone and I wanted him to feel included. He saw me half way across the school and ran the whole way. He ran up yelling dadeeee, and practically jumped into my arms. My relationship with him is like this because I was a SAHD. All the money her “career” makes will never give her the connection with her husband and children that she so sorely lacks.
DaddyD
02. Mar, 2009
I would love to be a stay at-hom dad and might be one day when my wife finishes her Residency and makes more than the minimum wage. I have one female co-worker whose husband is a rockstar SAHD and is really happy. I don’t understand how someone can make such a sweeping generalization