Sometimes the Truth Hurts
Posted on 20. Apr, 2007 by Brian Reid in General
BusinessWeek’s Working Parents blog let loose with a post yesterday that asked why — in most two-income families — the mom still does most of the household management. I don’t know quite how to respond. Anecdotally, I have to agree, even though I know a handful of at-home dads and plenty of involved dads, it does seem to be the case that — even though dads are doing way better in the household-stuff department — few working dads are taking the lead at home.
Amy Vachon
20. Apr, 2007
Brian, thanks for pointing out this article; I had not seen it yet. It is unfortunate that articles aren’t yet highlighting the dads who do their fair share and are proud and happy to do so. Someday…. -Amy
WorkingDad
23. Apr, 2007
Interesting item. I posted this over at WorkingDad, but it also works as a comment.
I don’t doubt Tergensen’s experience that many of her peers struggle with husbands who don’t pull their weight. The majority of dads may not do their share. But, I know plenty of dads who strive to shoulder half the housework. Obviously, change takes time and dads are still trying to figure out and adjust to their new roles in the American family.
But, I think there is something else happening. I wonder if families will need to alter their perspective of domesticity. In these debates, I often read that dads don’t meet their wife’s standards for housecleaning, laundry etc… It’s quite possible that many dads clean, wash clothes and otherwise maintain a home in a different style. Perhaps one of the challenges for American families is accepting a new way of doing things.
For example, I start washing dishes, picking up toys, taking out garbage and doing laundry around 10:30 p.m. I’m sure my wife would like it done before she goes to bed, but it’s clean in the morning. I also vacumn differently and don’t believe in making the bed every morning because we’ll just mess it up at night. These are compromises designed to create a decent household split because, though I am far from perfect, my wife and I strive for domestic balance.
Perhaps mom and dad both need to let go of some of their historical models and perspective in the new age.
Rebel Dad
23. Apr, 2007
Paul — Yeah, I’m torn on this one. Guys are doing a ton better than they used to, and we should be shouting that from the rooftops. But I was stopped cold thinking about Tergensen’s core point: in dual-earner families I know moms are almost universally the go-to parent, even in egalitarian marriages and regardless of who earns more.
Plus, I try to be an equal opportunity whiner …