Nightline: A Decade Behind the Time
Posted on 22. Dec, 2006 by Brian Reid in General
There was a time when I might have celebrated last night’s Nightline on at-home dads — a profile of a happy. high-achieving guy who just decided it would be better for everyone if he were at home.
But now I’m more jaded. The piece was by-the-numbers, except that the producer seemed convinced that at-home dads were some kind of novel creation, inhabiting the fringe of society. That was strike one. Strike two was the title of the piece: “Alpha Women and Beta Men.” Calling at-home dads “beta men” is just insulting and inaccurate, a point made by the on-camera interviewees. So what did Nightline do? It repeated the phase 14 times.
How hard-headed was Nightline? Check out this back and forth between the Jami Floyd, the mom in the story, and Kirt Fleninger, the dad in the piece:
Jami: You don’t care at all that some men judge you?
Kurt: No.
Jami: You really don’t care?
Kurt: I really don’t care.
Jami: At all?
Kurt: I just don’t care about that.
Look — Kurt doesn’t care. It’s a non-issue with him. It’s a non-issue with me. It’s a non-issue with 99 percent of the at-home dads I know. Why take valuable airtime to hammer that point over and over?
That is just the start of the criticisms. The piece made it sound like marriages with an at-home dad were somehow risky. (“Psychologists say it takes an exceptional couple to make this kind of partnership work.”) It made it sound like everyone assumes that woman can’t be primary-breadwinners. “(It may surprise you, but 25% of working wives earn more than their husbands.“) And, of course, they use the silly Census numbers.
technorati tags:media
Chris Frey
22. Dec, 2006
Have no fear — I left some posts on ABC New’s Nightline Forum combating some of the Neanderthal thinking. The Materialism vs. Child Raising battle continues…
Francis Wooby
23. Dec, 2006
Next week on Nightline: Going “On Line”; this new phenomenon called the Inter net
Brian Chalmers - GratefulDad
23. Dec, 2006
What, me worry? No, I’m not Alfred E. Neuman, (or is tht Newman?) but why should I care what other guys think of me? I live by the credo: “What people think of me is none of my business”. I feel I have one of the most, if not the most important job on the planet. I’m sure other dads and moms feel the same way I do.
Perhaps a lot of the judgement that comes out of these people may come from envy or discontent in their own lives.
BetaMan? Sounds like a superhero! “I am BetaMan! Stand back, children! Here I come to save the day!” Actually that term kinda bugs me, but that’s what the media feel it has to do is tag everything with some hip new trendy buzz word. Betaman? Try Trophy Husband, House Husband, Homemaker, Dad,
Doug
25. Dec, 2006
Hey… Thanks for the post… look forward to checking out this Newsweek episode. Looking like I will be a stay at home dad soon.
Justin
26. Dec, 2006
I haven’t seen the episode, which probably should exclude me from commenting, but, hey, so what?
I suspect that the interviewer’s resistance to believeing stay at home dadism can work is related to his-and the overwhelming majority of his colleagues in male-dominated broadcast journalism-feelings of shame and insecurity because he has not taken any time in his life to care for his own kids.
Many, many men are invested in the myth of shame and criticism from other men to justify their failure to do their fair share of child rearing. I mean, the interviewer is not only clearly someone who has not been a stay at home parent, but is someone who does not even KNOW a stay at home dad! Otherwise, he’d presumably wou;d not have asked such a ridiculous question.
Clare's Dad
27. Dec, 2006
We should expect more from the media. But Nightline was probably proud of itself just for not calling the piece “Mr. Mom.”
Buzz
28. Dec, 2006
Doesn’t surprise me a bit that the producers and interviewer took this tact. National broadcast news? If that isn’t the dregs of journalism, the slime beneath the bottom of the barrel, I don’t know what is. May as well complain that a sitcom used dumb jokes to try to make us laugh…every so often they do OK, but mostly not.
As a working dad who makes much more than my wife, I would fall on my knees and thank God if the day came when she earned more than me, so we could perhaps entertain more options about our schedules and workload. Believe me, my ego could handle it!
Great site, thanks.
Candy
30. Dec, 2006
I missed this; I’ll have to see if someone taped it or something. My husband is primarily a SAHD and I’m a work at home mom. I’m amazed that people assume he has a problem with this set up. We like our lives, to heck with those that don’t….
evi
30. Dec, 2006
It still tires me out to hear about yet another shallow tv feature on “stay at home dads”.
My husband stayed at home with our beautiful son for the first three years of his life. My son is now nine years old. He is a bright,optimistic and secure child. He also has an extraordinarly close relationship to BOTH of us. It was also a very healing and rewarding experience for my husband.
It’s always hard to be on the forefront of a cultural paradigm shift - in 1998 my husband frequently felt isolated and misunderstood - and we live in NYC! In time, he found his way.
Thank you for this great blog - times are slowly changing in the right direction!
Olivia Carter-Hamilton
31. Dec, 2006
Congratulations on this blog and it is very interesting.
I have two good friends (man and wife) who have been married nearly 25 years. He is a stay-at-home dad and a homeschooler. She has always worked throughout their marriage, as her earnings far exceed that of his.
I agree with you, to trust your own instincts as far as your children are concerned in every aspect of life.
I am an avid homeschool advocate and I would like to add to your manifesto, on this:
‘The needs of your child outweigh
the needs of the many where
physical, emotional, social and
educational welfare is
concerned.’
Kristi
01. Jan, 2007
Love your blog! I’ve tried to get my “at-home” husband to read it, but he’s too busy playing his X-Box, lol. Hope you and your family had a great Christmas and New Year’s!
Matt
03. Jan, 2007
I haven’t seen the Nighline piece either, but I would like to comment on the post and the follow-ups regarding the fact that people judge at home dads.
I am an at-home dad and I have to say, there are times when I am a bit bothered by the judgement I perceive from others. It can be hard to be the only dad at music class, or the only dad strolling around the neighborhood. My wife and I are privileged to be able to have one of us at home with our 18-month son, and I am very happy with my choice, but isn’t it okay to admit that there are some trials and tribulations that I go through in my somewhat unique role?
Capt Jim
04. Jan, 2007
People constantly judge others. It’s hard not to think about it sometimes. Personally, I have a pretty low opinion of most TV journalists. I’m sure that does not keep too many of them awake at night worrying about their career choice.
For every job you can think of, there is someone who does not think highly of it. So what. If you like what you’re doing and you believe in it, go for it.
The part I dislike most about the whole alpha/beta labeling is the assumption that a marriage forces people into these roles. I believe building a family needs to be a cooperative partnership, and that each couple needs to honestly assess their resources and utilize them the best that they can.
We are not a wolf pack, even though my house sounds like we are sometimes.
Matt — If it was easy, everyone would do it. All at-home parents have difficulties at times, and AHDs have our own unique set of issues. This does not justify the crappy journalism in this piece. I think RebelDad is overstating when he says 99% of dads don’t have a problem with this sort of thing, especially if we are talking about new SAHDs with kids under 3. You are not alone.
Chalmers — you rock!
Justin - I think speculating about the journalist’s reason for not having a clue is just as bad as the tactics in the piece. This story was told despite the ‘evidence’ of the interviews.