Hail the GTWD
Posted on 07. Mar, 2006 by Brian Reid in General
I’ve been so absorbed in the stupidity of the mommy wars discussion that I’ve yet to post on the best Blogging Baby post in a long time — this one on “go to work dads.” It’s a fantastic topic, and one that hasn’t received nearly enough attention.
As much as I go on and on here about at-home fathers and the explosion of interest in guys who stay home, the real family revolution in the next decade will be centered on the increasing family roles played by of working fathers (especially young working dads. For most families, two wage-earners is a reality that can’t be avoided, and talking solely about at-home parents cuts them out of the discussion. If I’m serious about advocating more involved fathers — and I am — the real opportunity for support is for the working fathers.
The BB post referred to a couple of other blogs that are well worth the read. Check out this Miles, etc. post for the closest thing to a GTWD manifesto:
So, if you’ve got a GTWD in your life - the kind who busts his ass all week and, from time to time, still takes the kid(s) to the park on weekend mornings so you can sleep in - do me a favor and give him a hug today, and tell him it’s from me.Okay, just give him a hug, and skip that part about me.
Also check out Working Day Dad, which covers a lot of the same ground.
Stephen
07. Mar, 2006
I think it’s great to focus on working dads. But for some reason the whole two income assumption is starting to rankle me more and more. It’s one of those things that gets repeated again and again without ever being backed up by figures.
I am no expert on the subject, but I wish someone would at least acknowledge the high cost of quality childcare. Someone needs to be watching the kids. I suspect that because that money is often spent under the table it doesn’t get factored in on any census.
Ultimately I think working parents like to justify their choices as economic neccesity, without anyone ever questioning their math.
And what about the kids. There must be some value to close parental supervision, over other forms of childcare-on average.
Hogan
07. Mar, 2006
Libby Gill writes about the cost of the second job in her stay-at-home dad book. She factors in the cost of day care and other expenses and the tax bracket. I dont remember the exact numbers but after deducting the cost of the second job a two-income parent family only nets an extra $10,000 to $12,000 @ year. Not worth it in my book.
Tina and I have managed to survive on her income - a teachers salary. Good choices and decisions with our money is how we made it work. Bottom line for us was that the quality of our life as a family was more important than the quality of our familys lifestyle. Therefore I dont buy into the notion that two-wage earners is a reality that cant be avoided.
After 15 years of being a stay-at-home parent, I could go back into the workforce as a full-timer. But I choose not to. Being home for our youngest of three, Matt, 12, is more important. It works for me. It may not work for some other mom or dad. Thats fine. I support and respect the two-income lifestyle but dont tell me that it cant be avoided.
I think many of todays families could live on one income if they wanted to. But they choose not to because its all about what they want and not what they need. I know many two-income families in southern California who have over extended themselves financially. Living in a house they shouldnt have bought in the first place, leasing BMWs, Mercedes, SUVs, refinancing their homes and tapping into their equity so they can live a keeping up with the Jones lifestyle. These people may be house rich now but they will eventually be cash poor. What they are doing is living on borrowed money. Eventually, their financial empire is going to collapse. When it does, what then? They will be so far in debt that theyll have a difficult time scaling down and adjusting to a one-income family lifestyle. What will happen to them when the interest rate on the adjustable mortgage they have increases? What will happen if the economy slows down - which it will - and one of them loses their job?
In the end, does it really matter how much money you have or toys youve collected?
Hogan
Mark B.
07. Mar, 2006
Hogan,
I believe your insight to many of todays young parents is right on. I witnessed the same reckless fiscal behavior on Long Island for many years by family and friends. Housing prices have seemed to top out and many of my friends and family are a bit nervous that they have dug thier families into a big hole. And for what?
Unfortunately, the bigger problem for future potential SAHD’s or SAHM’s is that the price of any housing has gotten so out of hand in much of the country that even couples with good saving and spending habits will be forced to work instead of one of them being able to stay home with the kids. That 10K or so could make or break them as sad as it sounds.
brianwho?
08. Mar, 2006
RD: My wife emailed me today and told me to check out this post of yours. I was in court all day, and tried to access your site using my Blackberry. Unfortunately, all that came up on my little screen was the title to your blog.
Since that lil’ ole post of mine to which you so generously linked has really made the rounds lately, Heather’s been spotting mentions of it all over the blogosphere. And so, I figured she was sending me to a post of yours that referenced something about the GTWD. When I read the title of your blog - “Rebel Dad: The stay-at-home dad revolution, online,” I thought uh oh; I wonder if this is a SAHD ranting about how stupid it is for someone to be pitching for some love for the GTWD’s of the world. I’m so glad it’s not.
Involved dads of any sort - whether SAH or GTW - need a louder voice. Thanks for welcoming me to the revolution.
devra
08. Mar, 2006
Right now I have my career in the freezer to be home with the kids, altough recently the career has been defrosting due to the whole book thing, but I could see my husband easily writing the same post. My husband has an inner Betty Crocker just dyin’ to come out and he also could have a Merry Maid Cleaning Woman’s soul as well, but beyond that, what I am so proud of is he not only stands up for his need to be at his children’s functions, but he makes damn sure the people he supervises get to do the same for their families. This is a HUGE deal since my husband is in the military and for so many years the attitude has been “Yes, your family is a priority and it is their job to support you, but you don’t need to be with them for that to occur.” Well, my husband is part of the growing number of Dad’s who are standing up for their love of being a dad and aren’t afraid to kick it into high gear at work!
I’ll give my hubby a hug for you RBD, I’m also going to kiss him and I plan to use my tongue a lot. ; )
Hogan
08. Mar, 2006
Due to the nature of their jobs there are many working fathers who can’t spend the kind of time they would like with their children.
I know many working fathers who do a terrific job balancing work and time with their children. They do their best to maximize what time they have availalbe for their kids. And many are grateful that I’m around to be their child’s surrogate father.
Our society doesn’t do enough to recognize all the great dads we have. They spend too much time on the small population of deadbeat/divorced and uninvolved dads or making fathers feel like they aren’t doing enough.
Here is an example: California elementary schools have PTAs or PTO’s. Each year the PTA/PTO and teachers at the schools recognize a volunteer parent every year. I did some research and discovered that most of the recipients are moms. (roughly 90%). Why not honor both a mom and a dad? Isn’t parenting suppose to be a team effort - mom and dad?
I also know many divorced dads who do a great job. Divorce is not always the fault of the man. As most people assume.
Sorry, I find it hard to believe that the PTA/PTO and teachers cannot find one dad who is volunteering his time at school.
In our elementary school’s 30 year history only one dad has received the award. And that was only because I suggested it. We have many dads who volunteer their time each year. We even have a Dads Club. Yet, the PTA
made up of mostly moms will not share the spotlight with the dads at the school.
Dads not only need to be recongized. They also need to be heard.
There is a lot today’s moms can do to make changes that will encourage and support a father’s participation.
Like advocating for the idea to recognize both a mom and dad at our schools. Or writing letters to hospitals to ask them why they don’t have a class for expectant fathers and demand that they make one available. I also did some research on this. Out of 388 hospitals (nationwide) who participated in my survey, 301 did not have a class for expectant fathers and 87 did. Of the 87 many of them only met quarterly or every other month.
Every year millions of men are entering fatherhood untrained and with no support system. That sucks.
I don’t know how the hospital ever let me take Grant home in 1988 without providing me with a class to better prepare me for fatherhood. I was so scared and had no idea what I was doing both as a husband or father.
I could have used a little help but it wasn’t available. And for millions of dads it still isn’t.
Hogan
RebelMom
10. Mar, 2006
Miles had a good idea….so….
I want to give a public hug to the increasingly public RebelDad who, via creative scheduling, is a SAHD *and* a GTWD *and* is currently supporting a cranky pregnant wife *and* manages, though this blog and media work, to keep his advocacy going.
You continue to amaze me in all of your roles, RD. RM and RebelGirls 1 and (soon to be) 2 are lucky to have you.
-RM