Posted on 20. Sep, 2004 by Brian Reid in General
Equal Time: I received a very nice letter from Fernanda Moore, the author of the Parenting article that got me all worked up last month. She was furthermore nice enough to allow me to post parts of the her response, with the understanding that this is part of a civil discourse.
Hello to everyone…Just for the record: Parenting magazine assigned me the piece, along with the topic. I chose to make it lighthearted instead of earnest (obviously one does not give one’s husband a time out in any serious way.) … I’m sorry if I offended anyone, it was certainly not my intention (and the piece was supposed to be light, not serious, and dopey, not intellectual.)
Thanks.
I have had a most pleasant dialogue with Fernanda, and I should apologize if I took the article with a tad more seriousness than the piece deserved. That said, the response makes two troubling things clear:
1) Yeah, it was a sassy, tongue-in-cheek piece, but the punch line was that it’s funny to treat dads as if they deserve no substantive respect in the domestic sphere. I don’t want to come off as humor-impaired — I let Hollywood off the hook when it comes to stupid-ass domestic stereotypes — but this should be lowest-common denominator stuff for a *parenting* publication.
2) The edit staff of Parenting picked the friggin’ topic. This confirms my long-held suspicion that the magazine is targeted so specifically at moms that a little light-hearted dad-bashing isn’t only tolerated, it’s encouraged. Remember, this is a magazine that markets itself under the tagline “We Get Moms.” (As Laid-Off Dad once said, that slogan must have narrow won out over the equally true “Dads Perplex Us.”)
greg from daddytypes
20. Sep, 2004
Parenting actually did a redesign this year, after a 10-month reader study, to focus more on “being women,” not just on “being moms,” focusing on their emotional lives, and mutual bonding.
In other words,a step away from relevance to dads, or men.
There’s some discussion of it in the magazine industry magazine, Folio.
Not that I’ve been reading up on parenting magazines or anything.
Hogan Hilling
20. Sep, 2004
Nice follow-up RD. I wonder how the Parenting magazine staff - most of whom are women/moms - would respond to a tongue-in-cheek piece in which a dad gives his honest perspective on having to deal with a wife who constantly criticizes the way he cares for the kids.
KOD,
Hogan
Fernanda
21. Sep, 2004
You know what, Hogan? Write that piece and send it in. My bet is they’d love it.
Barring that, I’ll quote you in a forthcoming article. If you’re interested, leave me your email addres and I’ll contact you.
John Myers
21. Sep, 2004
Just call Parenting what it really is … Mothering. When we had a baby and I became a parent, someone gave us a subscription. I soon discovered that the name on the cover had little to do with the content. It seems like they left out half of the equation with their mother-centric mag. Dads are parents too!
amy
21. Sep, 2004
Sorry, Fernanda, but I don’t see how lighthearted stuff about That Incompetent Dad is any different from lighthearted joshing about women drivers, dumb blondes, dames making like they can run a boardroom (ain’t that cute?), etc. Is there a difference in your eyes?
amy
Fernanda
21. Sep, 2004
Um….no, perhaps not. But I still don’t really think that’s what I did in the article. If memory serves, I made fun of myself equally, and I didn’t pretend to take the whole concept anywhere beyond a minor league, week-long experiment. I’m wondering whether people who are posting actually read the piece….?
dayv
21. Sep, 2004
You know you have a good SAHD-wife, when she points out to you that parenting magazine has no articles about SAHD’s, and agrees that it should just be called “Mom’s”
Hogan Hilling
21. Sep, 2004
Fernanda,
I’m sure you had good intentions. But wake-up and smell the roses. All parenting magazines as well as hospitals, family resource centers, bookstores, baby accessory stores…. are so biased towards moms and do little to validate dads for their nurturing and caregiving skills.
My email address is hilling1@cox.net.
I wrote an article that one parenting newsletter has published. It’s about how unfriendly our society is towards fathers. You will be surprised at what I discovered and why so little has been done to even the parenting playing field. (I also believe that there is a lot dads could be doing to create a more father-friendly world. I noted a few suggestions in my book “The Man Who Would Be Dad.”)
I’ve submitted several articles to Parenting magazines. All were rejected. And I’d bet that other dads have tried to no avail.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Hogan
sarah
07. Oct, 2004
i’m a mom, and even I can’t stand how much parenting resembles a clean cosmo. there’s no better way to alienate gender-non-specific “parents” than to fill your pages full of makeup tips and ways to talk your male boss into maternity leave. ick! if i wanted to buy into that mama-is-the-only-parent-who-cares-about-parenting crap i’d have been born in the 50s.