Posted on 16. Apr, 2004 by Brian Reid in General
One of the great joys of blogging is that I don’t have an editor hanging just behind me, smacking me whenever I becoming dangerously repetitive. I can, with impunity, repeat the same point, over and over and over again. Consider yourself warned.
Maureen Ryan of the Chicago Tribune penned this very well-thought out piece on the “Mommy Wars”: that perpetual, artificial who-is-the-better-person debate between at-home moms and mothers who work outside the house. Let me say up front that this is a most thoughtful call for a truce at a most opportune time. (Ryan cites “The Mommy Myth,” the Time cover story and Caitlin Flanagan’s bizarre “Nanny Wars” piece in the Atlantic as evidence that the media has again seized on the issue.)
Now I’ll start repeating myself: the debate over the mommy wars is not likely to abate until society begins to recognize that raising children is not the sole sphere of the mother. Ryan (like the “Mommy Myth” authors, like Flanagan, like Time, like everyone else) skips over the role of men in creating a more parent-friendly society. (Though she asks: “Isn’t the point that, as a society, we could do a lot more to acknowledge that women’s work patterns are often different from men’s?” I could invert that idea: we could do a lot more to acknowledge that many men’s feelings about the family are not all that different from women’s — but expectations of the work world continue to be very different.)
Can I see a world in which women have acceptable work-family choices? Sure. But that world will appear much more quickly if there’s a growing acknowledgement that women and men both need better choices.
(Credit where credit is due: the first post I saw on the Ryan piece was on Apartment 11D. Christine at Ms. Musings also flags the article.)
The Zero Boss
19. Apr, 2004
“But that world will appear much more quickly if there’s a growing acknowledgement that women and men both need better choices.”
Very well said.
I just found out recently (from someone who’s leaving our company) that we’ve been without a Work/Life program coordinator now for over a year. The department lives as a shadow of its former self, with only enough work done to secure the illusion that it’s still active.
Our country’s concept of “balancing” work and family is still about cramming family into the nooks and crannies that work chooses not to absorb. I wonder how much longer we’ll continue in this state until a critical mass of parents - especially workaholic dads - get sick of it and demand a revolution.
Rebel Dad
20. Apr, 2004
I’ve been suspicious of company work/life departments since reading The Time Bind, an in-depth look at how one family-friend company — with a work/life group — failed miserably in helping employees achieve that balance.
I worry that you’re right, Boss, and that it will take a critical mass of frustrated workaholic dads to really change the corporate culture. But I’m not holding my breath.
— rD
carla
21. Apr, 2004
I say you can repeat that point as many times as you want, and I’ll be chiming right in there with you. i have always found it distressing that so few men have thought that it’s an issue for everyone, not just women. and, frankly, stepparents should be part of this, too, even if it is slightly OT at times. my SO and his ex have a pretty good relationship around The Kid-a fair amount of flexibility for everyone-but I do not get included in anything that’s designated “family,” even though I’m part of Kid’s family in many ways. (yes, i realize not in all ways by any means, and i’m fine with that, too.)