A Quick Note About My Old Friend Linda Hirshman
Posted on 10. Jun, 2008 by rebel in General
About a year ago, I ended up in a weird blogosphere spat with noted feminist Linda Hirshman (over whether today’s men really are pulling their own weight). Hirshman has been on the radar screen again this week, with a Washington Post op-ed and a Post chat that have sparked a good deal of debate on the central question of how best to promote feminism.
During her chat, she lets loose with this:
… the heterosexual reproductive family is a fount in inequality. I think motherhood and family should be a central concern of feminism, starting with insisting that men shape their lives with the expectation that they will bear half the burden of child rearing and home making forever. Now there’s a family value I can support without cavil.
I don’t know if I’ve mellowed in the last year or if this is just phrased differently, I am 100 percent behind her sentiment. I think everyone ought to start with the assumption that half of the kid duty will fall to dad.
Jeremy Adam Smith
01. Apr, 2011
I feel compelled to mention that the biggest problem with Hirshman’s essay is that it is stone-cold racist in its assumptions. She essentially blames black women for Clinton’s loss and paints feminism as a movement owned lock, stock, and barrel by affluent white women.
russ
11. Jun, 2008
I guess what I don’t know is, is she talking about a dual income household or not? As a SAHD, I don’t expect my wife, who has just worked all day, to come home and deal with the kids while I suck down some beer or bourbon. (I may be drinking the aforementioned libation, but I’ll be doing it while I’m preparing dinner.) Other than that, yes, the parents should be splitting up the household chores (including the outdoor ones).
Davesnot
11. Jun, 2008
the problem with any hard and fast rule is that it will apply to absolutely nothing.
On any given day one parent will have more of the “burden” than another… especially if it is being looked at as a burden.
What we should do is eliminate parents that feel their kids are burdens.
That said.. if there is a stay at home parent in the family.. that parent will assume more of the parenting burden. They must.. the kids change by the minute and one parent isn’t up to speed on what is current.
If the “burden” includes housework.. well.. housework isn’t parenting. Housework is housework.
If you want a spouse that shares equally in housework you should work that out before they become a spouse.
What is a 50-50 thing is the relationship between the parents.. and that applies to hetero or homo families.
You may have mellowed.. or perhaps you’re a bit too tired to weed through the smoke screen of that statement.
Backpacking Dad
11. Jun, 2008
I absolutely dis-agree, unfortunately. And there are two things that I disagree with there.
1) The idea that the starting assumption for any family will be that half the kid-duties fall to each parent. There’s no merit to this idea because it can’t be implimented in any realistic way. What can be insisted upon beforehand is some division of labor and a “no resentment” agreement, where each partner agrees that the division, even if unequal with respect to the care of the kids, is fair.
2) The idea that feminism-in-family means dictating the male role. Feminism, to me, has always been about reserving authority over the self, not imposing it on others. It is a demand for recognition and space, for equal footing and competition. This other kind of attitude just says men must get on board with a philosophical position or else. That one I can’t get with.
Amy
11. Jun, 2008
I have a problem with the word ‘insisting.’ I don’t think we’ll reach any lasting equality (nevermind exact 50/50 parenting) by forcing either parent into this arrangement. It has to come from a deep place of desire for both parents.
I do think that splitting childraising responsibilities in half IS fully possible, in contrast to Backpacking Dad. At least on average over time. But both parents have to come to understand that they wouldn’t have it any other way.
Kelly M. Bray
11. Jun, 2008
Does this mean I can insist that my partner does 50% of the household construction and automotive maintenance, 50% of the income production, and share 50% of the workplace deaths and injuries. Or can each couple come to their own agreement, based on their abilities, needs, and wants. When you combine the hourly contributions of both men and women, work, childcare, housework, and home maintenance, they come out equal. There is nothing sacred about housework, we all have things to do to contribute to a relationship.
jg_38
11. Jun, 2008
Only when custody cases reflect the true “best interest” of the child and give Fathers equal rights!
JohnMcG
11. Jun, 2008
The problem with Hirshman’s writing is that it is framed in a way so as to guarantee it won’t be successful.
Really, what man wants to opt into a system where they start off guilty for crimes that previous generations comitted, and are in a position where someone else can insist on how they shape their lives?
When you boil down Hirhman’s writing to the principle asserted — men who want to become parents should do so with the expectation that they will bear half the work. But, perhaps the fundamental unfairness is that for some, fatherhood is an optional obligation. And given the sale, “parenthood work sucks! I’m insisting you do half of it!” I think more fathers will opt out than eagerly accept that load.
JohnMcG
11. Jun, 2008
To put another way, you can see how well Hirshman’s sentiment is received by readers of a blog dedicated to at-home fatherhood, who are probably still outliers in many senses.
Imagine how this is received by more typical fathers.
Ethel
11. Jun, 2008
As a the female half of a SAHD family, I think this is rediculous for several reasons.
1) Many couples don’t have perfectly matched homemaking and family skills. There is nothing wrong with dividing the work to match skills.
2) The final word on whether or not there is a biological gender bias regarding parenting and homemaking isn’t out. What we do know is that women get pregnant, and women breastfeed. This is a significant bias towards moms staying home, if anyone does, that impacts the first couple of years - and then she has built up skills related to these experiences that may continue to give her an edge in the home realm. Obviously, there are many other factors that can overweigh these biological factors - earning potential, career enjoyment, personal values, and much more. But those factors exist, and feminism does itself a disservice by not acknowledging them. Whether or not it is worth investing in pushing men to compensate for not breastfeeding or being pregnant (say, through aggressive paternal leave policies) is a tough question - I say give families space to make that decision, but don’t force it politically or socially.
I think we don’t yet know what society should expect specifically - but I would rather say, “Men should generally bear about half the burden of caring for a family - including housework, childrearing, and employment. So should women. Families can work out the precise division for themselves. Couples should discuss their expectations before marraige. Most importantly, modern parents should raise children of each gender to explore both employment and homemaking skill sets so that their children make division-of-labor choices based on their abilities and interests, and not on a social expectation for their gender.”
I honestly doubt that a fair, equal post-feminism society will have a perfect 50/50 split. I personally expect something more like a 40/60 split on average, tending towards traditional lines. Ultimately, I think pre-picking a value and working towards it is flawed and doesn’t represent the wishes of many women, as well as many men. Feminism does not get an automatic “fail” if there are fewer women employed than men - the important part is that women have equal opportunity, not that they use that opportunity equally. Women should not be required to change their values to match men’s, if they differ. That’s not what feminism is about.
PittCaleb
11. Jun, 2008
This PRESUMES a woman would NEVER want to share in this burden. I have always enjoyed watching feminists tell women what they should think and feel.
Why in marriage is the burden of changing the oil and mowing the lawn done with the woman sharing less than half the burden?
I love the burden of hanging with my kids each and every day. Breaks are nice, but I spent yesterday on the Jersey Shore while the wife slaved away in a hot & humid office in ‘beautiful’ Rahway, NJ, right next to the oil refinery.
Who has the burden in our relationship exactly?
PittCaleb
SAHD of 7 years
http://www.Hail2Pitt.org