On Parenting, Sarah Palin and Dads
Posted on 03. Sep, 2008 by Brian in General
You can’t contribute to a parenting column like On Parenting and *not* talk about Sarah Palin, so Stacey Garfinkle and I teed up the subject today. I took the position that no discussion of whether her parenting responsibilites will intefere with her ability to do her job was appropriate:
I’m scared because it makes the dangerous assumption that a parent cannot remain fully engaged in both family and professional life. I believe you can find work-life balance no matter what your responsibilities may be. That balance may not look like “equally shared parenting.” It may not look like my life, or yours, but there is no doubt in my mind that you can be an effective parent and a go-to-work parent.
But the element that I didn’t explore is the curious case of Palin’s husband, who would — it seems almost entirely likely — end up doing the stay-at-home dad thing if his wife ends up in the Naval Observatory. There is next to no discussion of what his life would look like in Washington, five children in tow. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe no one cares. I still think it’s weird that no one is talking about it.
Emma
10. Mar, 2010
That’s something I’ve been wondering about. I assume they will all have to move to Washington if they get in. Are the whole family ready for that move? Her daughter is apparently getting married to her partner so she’ll not be joining the family, that’s a lot to ask of a 17 year old.
Elizabeth
03. Sep, 2008
Some of the stories suggest that Todd is on leave from his jobs already, although it’s not quite clear. His job skills don’t seem very transferable to the DC area.
The oldest kid is in the army, and Bristol and her husband would presumably stay in Alaska. So, it’s down to three kids, which seems a bit more manageable.
It sounds like Sarah’s mother has provided a great deal of child care — I don’t know whether she’d stay in Alaska (and help Bristol) or relocate.
I thought this was a good article about the whole situation:
http://www.slate.com/id/2199131
Amy
03. Sep, 2008
No, you can’t do “equally shared parenting” in this case! I blogged about that on my site last night. I would argue that you can’t even be an involved parent and be the VP of the United States. Of course, the definition of an “involved parent” is subjective, but the VP (and definitely the Presidency should McCain be unable to serve part-way through his term) is an uber-full-time job – 24/7 if you ask me, with just enough time to sleep. No housework, surely, but I don’t think you can meet the classic tests of an involved father (let alone mother) like going to the kids’ doctor appointments, knowing all their shoe sizes, knowning all their worries and fears, etc. and be President.
That’s fine, if that is right for Ms. Palin and her family. But just like male candidates whom the country expects (and needs) to be peripheral parents, we should expect Ms. Palin to be peripheral too.
I, too, wonder about the silence on her husband’s role here. How great if he stepped up and said “I LOVE being a SAHD!”
Greg Barbera
03. Sep, 2008
I hope the Palins aren’t Christian because if Todd becomes a SAHD he’s going to hell…
DR
03. Sep, 2008
Greg did a very effective job of getting me to his website. I had to make sure that was a joke.
Do you think someone who takes that office is cashing in their family life for 4 years (or 8)? Male or Female. Obviously, the hours, travel, and stress are going to be a strain outside of the lack of quality time.
Steve
03. Sep, 2008
I am a sahd, had always been $$$ winner, 46 and now for 3 years loving being with the kids
Much easier than owning my own business, 50 plus employees
The right person can make anything work just fine, no more male/female roles
If you think it makes a difference you are just a sexiest, and need to get a life
rachel
03. Sep, 2008
I don’t think you can be a good, involved parent to babies or young children while being in such a demanding position. Period. That goes for both Obama and Palin.
I believe parenthood and careers are perfectly compatible in many cases, but Pres and VP ain’t among them. There are jobs and then there are jobs…
Steve
03. Sep, 2008
well then working as a doctor in an Emergency room on 16hr shifts, and then being on call would put my wife in that same boat. What should we do???
I guess Obama and Palin should bow out and let others without children take there places, and that goes for all folks who are away from home extended periods with stressful jobs ect.
I don’t think so!
rachel
03. Sep, 2008
Whatever, Steve. Obama and Palin are already “bowing out” to an extent, but from their families rather than from their careers. I didn’t write anything about kids vs no kids; it’s the ages of the children that make the difference.
Is it really so crazy for parents to choose jobs/careers that give them more family/home time than those that don’t? Or to make sacrifices on behalf of their families? I don’t think so!
Greg Barbera
04. Sep, 2008
Whoa.
looks like those nut job OnBalance commentors found you over here.
rachel
04. Sep, 2008
What’s OnBalance?
I’m a first time mom to an almost four month old baby boy, so perhaps I went a little overboard. But still, I can’t imagine anything else being so important that he’d be moved to a back shelf.
Katherine
04. Sep, 2008
I agree that you can’t be a great parent to young children while working a demanding job like pres or vp. Whether you’re male or female.
BUT who am I to tell Sarah Palin she has to agree with me? I blogged about that here: http://workingmoms.about.com/b/2008/09/04/will-sarah-palins-candidacy-set-back-working-mothers.htm
There are plenty of SAHMs who look at me working 32 hours a week and think I’m scarring my 2 and 4 yr old kids for life. So I’m wary of starting down that judgmental path.
Hey, maybe Sarah Palin becoming a publc figure will actually result in a national rethinking of the demands of the workplace, and give everyone better work-life balance! You never know…
Working Dad
04. Sep, 2008
RD, Thanks for raising the point about a SAHD in the Naval Observatory. It’s interesting to think about and would certainly impact the community that reads this blog.
KC
05. Sep, 2008
I agree that the concern does seem sexist. Is Mrs. Palin a bad mom? Is her husband an incompetent dad? Both, neither, who knows.
amy
06. Sep, 2008
Hi, Brian. Long time no comment.
I think we’re not hearing anything about Todd Palin because it’d really distract from beating up Sarah Palin for abandoning her baby, which became a pastime all over my usual feminist blogs. I’ve had several conversations now that have multiple iterations of this:
“Well, what I’d like to know is who’s taking care of that baby.”
“The guy.”
“I mean is she going to have nannies and a household staff? Because that’s not what most women have access to.”
“No, the guy’s doing it.”
“And I don’t know how she could even contemplate handing her sick baby off to people who aren’t even family.”
“The guy’s taking care of the baby. Also, the baby’s not sick and it’s not your business anyway.”
Actually I was mostly thinking it’s a good thing for them that’s Todd’s as manly-lookin’ and comfortable with children as he is. Otherwise he’d be looking like a cuckold up on the stage there. I was surprised by how well he carried it off.
colin
30. Sep, 2008
Also important to note that VP only has 2 constitutional duties: steping up if the president dies, and breaking a tie in the senate. Seems to leave plenty of time for parenting.
Ethel
30. Sep, 2008
My father raised five kids with no wife (she was removed from the household due to schizophrenia, and fell out of contact). One parent is really all it takes; it’s just hard on that one parent.
Politics and ER work are both very important, and I think it is okay for a parent’s main contribution to their children’s upbringing to be a very good example of hard work. I doubt Palin will be totally absent from her family, and guess that she will give at least a little more than a good example.
OK, back to the real issues for me!
And BTW, my sister and I, plus some friends and I, have had several conversations about Todd Palin. They may not be in the media, but people are curious.
Navi
05. Oct, 2008
thanks for this. I’m personally anti-Palin but all the ‘what about her children’ bs is pissing me off. Barack Obama’s kids are young. His wife is on the campaign trail. No one is asking about them, because the candidate is male.