No Dads Sipping the Java at CafeMom.com?
Posted on 28. Jul, 2008 by Brian Reid in General
Reader Chris e-mailed the other day to see if I’ve been following CafeMom.com, which has been selling itself for a while with the just-us-gals slogan “No men, no kids.” Chris wasn’t entirely happy with being barred from what appears to be a successful online community for parents.
While I think it is absolutely silly that a site would take pains to exclude otherwise-capable parents who could add a useful perspective, I’m not all that worked up about CafeMom.com. It’s their loss.
What is more bothersome is that Chris learned about the site in the first place by a card that came with his latest batch of Pampers. I’ve said before (because Pampers has a recurrent problem with this) that if Pampers is serious about moving more diapers, they’re going to have to acknowledge at some point that dads make up a growing percentage of nappy-buyers. Partnering with a site that excludes half of the potential market ain’t smart.
** CAVEAT: For what it’s worth, I can’t find any explicit no-dads-allowed language based on my quick zip through the site. Anyone know if that’s a recent development?
Backpacking Dad
28. Jul, 2008
I saw something like a “no dads allowed” badge from Cafe Mom last week.
I can’t tell if it was a joke or not though, because I saw it on a dad blogger’s sidebar.
Wish I could remember which site I saw it on.
Davesnot
28. Jul, 2008
cut and pasted from the terms of service at
http://www.cafemom.com/about/tos.php
Website Access.
THIS IS A WEBSITE FOR MOMS AND SOON-TO-BE MOMS, OFFERING THEM A POSITIVE AND INTERESTING ENVIRONMENT WHERE THEY CAN CONNECT WITH OTHER MOMS, SHARE INFORMATION, MAKE NEW FRIENDS AND DISCUSS ISSUES OF MUTUAL INTEREST. TO USE THIS SITE AND THE SERVICES OFFERED, YOU MUST BE 16 YEARS OLD OR OLDER. BY ACCESSING THIS SITE, YOU ARE CERTIFYING THAT YOU ARE AT LEAST 16 YEARS OF AGE. USE OF THE SITE AND THE SERVICES IS VOID WHERE PROHIBITED.
Rebel Dad
28. Jul, 2008
Davesnot — Thanks for pulling the TOS. I don’t know that it changes my feelings much. It’s clear that cafemom is a mom site just from the name, so the TOS wasn’t shocking. What *did* strike me about the TOS is that they don’t explicitly ban guys, just tweens.
Davesnot
28. Jul, 2008
Ok.. this is kinda funny.. I joined up.. and used it .. good networking .. but.. the little cute things personalize stuff and you’ll always be referred to as “her” by the automatic stuff.
I’ll keep ya posted if I get run out.. I have my name and picture there.. but other than that no pushing being a dad.
Ryan
28. Jul, 2008
Ah, it’s just a bad youbemom.com knockoff (youbemom is the successor-in-interest to Urban Baby, which sold out (literally) to CNET. Urban Baby, or UB for short [hence the ``you be] of course got all kinds of national attention and a write-up in the New Yorker or something. It’s probably 80 percent moms, but dads pipe in one in a while too.
rudy
30. Jul, 2008
to think that putting all that time only to have a conclusion onthier gossip at the end I am glad my moother and her frineds are from the old school where it meant that being a mom or mother was to included your husband and children in a conversation about anything that help being a stay home dad and nine children later my oldest 23yrs and my youngest 8 months only three boys remain at my at home i am so glad my neighbers are home dad also about four of them and the internet is new to us in a small town in texas La Villa
Surfer Jay
30. Jul, 2008
I think its great that women are able to have their own personal space for a while. As we all do, women need to be able to communicate with other women without men and kids interfering, they deserve that, just as men do. We all need time away. Time away from work, from mothers-in-law, from kids, and yes even from spouses. So let them have their space and time together.
It is known that mostly women raise kids, so why not advertise where those women will find it, such as in diaper ads? Simply because men also use the product that is doing the advertising does not diminish the fact that it is a great avenue for them to reach women. And Pampers is certainly not implying that there are no men involved with child care by advertising this resource for women.
I do understand everyones frustration, but I see it differently.
It is simply OK for mothers to have their own website to hang out in.
Surfer Jay
30. Jul, 2008
I left out an important point in my argument that I need to add. I do believe that It would be wrong for Pampers and other companys and organizations to not ackonowledge fathers as being an integral part of child-rearing, and to realize that they do in fact purchase much of their products.
rudy
31. Jul, 2008
I guess you have a point jay I get tired of my spouse a lot and her mother and her sister and her nagging girlfriends I guess that is why i like this web site. i need space too.
anti-misandrist45287
01. Aug, 2008
…you guys are so weak-minded. their message is very clear; they’re a bunch of feminists and misandrists who are only interested in championing single-parenting.
AtHomeDaddy
05. Aug, 2008
Wow, anti-misandrist45287, that sure is an extreme way of looking at things.
doug
06. Aug, 2008
My account got closed within three hours of registering and posting a question on cafemom. I wasn’t hiding being a daddy. Funny, all the other parenting boards seem to be concerned about raising kids, not some backwards notion of who the care-givers are. I don’t mind the focus on mommies, but they’re a little single-minded about the issue. Whatever!
Rebel Dad
07. Aug, 2008
@Doug: Really? Did they offer any explanation?
Rich C.
07. Aug, 2008
Moms should be able to have their own space as we SAHDs do. I don’t think many of us would want to be surfing around there and listening to girl-gossip anyhow. The only thing that annoys me is that their Google Ads pop up on my SAHD blog!
As for Pampers; you would think all of the big baby product companies would get a clue and be a bit more progressive.
Backpacking Dad
08. Aug, 2008
Yeah! It was Rich C’s blog that I saw that Cafe Mom ad on :}
SAHD
30. Jul, 2009
There’s really nothing stopping dads from joining up and staying for good as long as the lay low about their gender.
I’ve been on awhile and participate in discussion. Got some good advice, even got added to some friend lists and play some minigames.
Many of the topics there are not gender-specific or even parenting related. I really don’t get the point of the gender restriction. In addition, there’s verification system in place to know who/what is registering, making the restriction all the more illogical.
Dads.. go there. play it cool. Play their game and just be a parent without tipping them off and you can get your advice and inputs that you need. Cafemom really is a good and entertaining site and the Daddy sites they refer you too quite honestly stink. They’ve obviously never looked at them themselves to be recommending them.
The short-sighted, paranoid, sexist views of why men can’t be there are nonsense and highly sexist. There’s no reason Dads shouldn’t be there and the restriction only encourages Dads determined enough to lie about it and join anyway. Its stupid.