Dads (and Rebel Dad) on Today This Morning
Posted on 02. Apr, 2008 by Brian in General
Still trying to get my head around the Today Show bit today, and there’s not much to say beyond a) it’s all a blur, b) Aaron Rochlen is a super-nice guy with interesting childhood friends, and c) Renee Zellweger is tiny in person. Beyond that, I have to send you to the videotape:
Surfer Jay
02. Apr, 2008
‘Twas a nice short piece, dude. Interviews usually only allow a brief time to articulate your responses, even so, you did great.
I just recently started following SAHD’s, as I will be one in seven weeks, and was excited to see one in the public spotlight. Keep on doing what you do.
Will
02. Apr, 2008
Anyone else find it interesting that they point out the damaging image of SAHDs in media, like the film “Mr. Mom” (which I’ve never had a problem with), but they entitled the piece “Meet Mr. Mom?”
Helen R Young
02. Apr, 2008
Couldn’t believe my ears when the SAHD being interviewed said, in essence, I’m with the kids all day, so it’s hard to figure out who does the laundry, etc.
Oh, welcome to stay-at-home-hood!
YOU DO IT!
That’s been the deal for centuries — when the man went to work, the woman took care of the kids AND the home.
You want the kids, you get the housework for free!
Actually, I really think laundry, etc. should be shared — YOU throw the clothes in the washer, then the dryer (since you’re at home), your wife & you make a “date” of folding & putting away. Same with cooking & cleaning up afterward.
As I said, women have been handling ALL of it, even when they work all day w/the kids in daycare, they come home to the housework as hubby sits down to relax. It’s still happening to this day.
Do I sound bitter? Well… maybe a little — maybe it’s just exhaustion.
It’s a very rare man that can do a woman’s work. Having said that, I must concede, you still get an “A” for the effort. Housework aside, the involvement of both parents with their kids is the deciding factor on how they turn out. Way to go!
MileHiDad
02. Apr, 2008
You guys rock! Us dads rock, plain and simple!
I had the pleasure of meeting the Dr. last fall in KC, and NOW, the REBELDAD has a face!
Amy
02. Apr, 2008
And YOU are tall in person! Great job to both you and Dr. Rochlen – eloquent and articulate in a short window of time. Now you can relax and celebrate. And your written piece was fantastic – really, really good.
NukeDad
02. Apr, 2008
Good job Brian. Half of the guys that I talk to say “I wish I could do that” when they find out I’m a Stay at Home Dad, but be careful what you wish for. It’s not the free ride some think it is. Take it seriously. After all, it’s the most important job you’ll ever have.
PittCaleb
02. Apr, 2008
Nice piece Brian. I saw the tease while making lunch for school, hit the TiVo record and watched over lunch. I don’t know if I could be an at-home-dad in a pre-TiVo world!
An aside, thanks for letting us know in advance you’d be in the city. I would have packed up the kids and we would have watched from the Plaza had we known you’d be here!
Cheers,
PittCaleb
Christy
02. Apr, 2008
I thought he made a good point that there is nothing particluarly masculine about sitting in a cube all day plunking on a computer. After all, a pregnant woman can do that.
Joe
02. Apr, 2008
I agree with Helen, no duh, you do the laundry. How lame was that? Still, RD you own. Nice work!
Reggie Ray
02. Apr, 2008
“It’s a very rare man that can do a woman’s work”.
Are you kidding me!! There are only two things a father can’t do that a mother can; 1) give birth to a child, 2) breastfeed. Other than that both mothers and fathers can do anything – the style and approach are different but the tasks can be accomplished.
What if I said this regarding men and women in the workforce…it’s a very rare woman that can do a man’s work”.
Ethel
02. Apr, 2008
Things that stood out for me:
The words “Daddy Daycare” right at the beginning. When I was a SAHM, short though my stin”Mommy Daycare” would have made me want to kick someone in the shins.
“We’re really lucky to be in a generation that, that allows [full-time SAHD work] and respects that.” I love that this guy at least, and I’m sure many others, see this as being lucky. I see respect for SAH work as being key to progress in modern gender equality (it’s moved past mere feminism, as the whole SAHD-is-acceptable thing shows).
And I’m with Helen here – the housework thing seems to be more closely tied with SAHMs than SAHDs, and I was thinking the same as her when you mentioned that line on cooking and laundry
However, my perspective is that guys generally start with “entry level” SAH skills – they care for the kids, maybe even doing little more than babysitting when the wife isn’t home at first (this was our family). Women, however, often get the homemaking equivelent of a degree or certification while growing up (due to family / society prepping them for homemaking work) and start with a higher skill level than men, so they *can* provide greater value as a SAH with less on-the-job experience.
I know in our family, DH has gone from babysitting level to something overall comparable to what I would expect from an excellent nanny (but not exactly the same tasks – just same overall quality of work) in about one year (wow). Housework has been renegotiated a lot as his skills have improved and my own career has progressed and started taking more time and attention.
sao95
02. Apr, 2008
Ethel and Helen, maybe you need new husbands.
Dr. Mom
03. Apr, 2008
I post this as my SAHD husband prepares dinner. He’s been at home for 16 years now.
The term “Mr. Mom” makes him cringe. He is quick to point out that he is NOT Mom, and never will be. Dads have a different style to the stay-at-home thing, and more power to them!
This is what works for our family. Our kids have the stability of having a parent around when they get home from school (and someone to drop off the forgotten lunch, flute, homework assignment, etc.). They also have the benefits of my earnings, and of me not going nuts. I’m just not a stay-at-home gal.
We didn’t want a stranger raising our children, and we want someone around during these sometimes trying teenage years. Our kids have a very close relationship with both Mom and Dad. We each have our roles in their lives.
Dayv Glusing
03. Apr, 2008
Let me put down my laundry basket long enough to put my .02$ in.
RebelDad and Doc. Rochlen have already recieved my personal thanks for their work on the show today, so that aside…
What’s being missed in all of this discussion over who does what % of the housework and if the men fold the laundry or not is the fact that these kids have actively involved fathers. In today’s society what more could a kid ask for? My father was always at work when I was a kid, and even when I was older he still wasn’t around. My son doesn’t have to worry about not having an involved father. He’s (my son) the priority. Not the laundry, not the vacuuming, not who’s cooking dinner. And do I feel de-masculined about being at home with my son? Hell no. I feel like more of a man for taking responsibility for the up-bringing of my son in the most actively involved way I know how.
Now, if ya’ll will excuse me, I have to go cook dinner for my family.
Dayv
Dave
03. Apr, 2008
Uh.. I’ll try to ignore the entry-level SAH skills comment..
Well done! One thing I was concerned with it the assumption that Dad returns to the work place after a couple of years..
What about Dads that stay on and do the whole thing.. and even do chartered home schooling?
We’ve come a long way.. obviously a long way to go.
Thanks for doin’ that for the team! .. and.. Renee Zellweger.. tough job, eh?!
Backpacking Dad
03. Apr, 2008
Thanks again Brian.
And I don’t think we need to be too harsh on the housework-posters. Maybe (in fact, I’m pretty sure about this) some dads come into the game late, and so they have to deal with a steep, but short, learning curve with household stuff. While I’ve been the cook in the house for the last 5 years we always split the housework until my daughter was born and I started to stay home. Then I volunteered to do all the housework, because I figured I’d have the opportunities and she wouldn’t.
Neither of us is very good at it, but I have different priorities than she does: I need the kitchen spotless as often as possible; she needs the bathroom spotless as often as possible. I don’t clean the bathroom as diligently as she does, and she doesn’t clean the kitchen as well as I do.
So, it’s at least a fact that all I deserve is an A for effort when it comes to the bathroom.
But I own that kitchen.
Ana
03. Apr, 2008
Love the comments on the SAHD’s house skills… I think it just comes down to skill, taking out the gender. Both males & females can either excel or stink at housework.
My husband is a SAHD and he stinks in the kitchen, he did when we were dating and he does to this day, all he can (barely) do is boil water. However, when we need something done for the house, he gets it done. I swear he’s got supernatural skills at detecting cracks, leaks, broken stuff, etc way before they become big problems.
Overall I was very happy to see a POSITIVE and empowering interview on SAHDs. I wish they’d been able to talk about some of the unique challenges SAHD’s face b/c the childcaring world is mostly mom oriented (other than the work-reentry issue). But that’s what the rebeldad site is here for, right?
Matthew
03. Apr, 2008
I just got engaged, and our plans are for me to be a SAHD (she’s a doctor, I’m not; guess who makes more $?
I was so glad to find your site, and I’ll be sure to bookmark it. I was also shocked to see that Nashville writer be so obstinate in her ignorance. Keep up the good work!
Helen R. Young
03. Apr, 2008
Ethel, your point that many SAHD’s are not skilled enough in juggling all the balls is a good one that I hadn’t considered. Evolution takes time…
Reggie Ray, I probably should have said it’s rare to find a man who’s is WILLING (rather than able) to do a woman’s work, on a consistent basis. And I do concede there are some things men can do that women can’t. I’m NOT anti-male.
sao95, LOL too late for a new husband. My kids are grown now. But for the record, he has always helped out; however, he could never keep up with my schedule when I was down with the flu or something, and was always happy to hand the reins back over, wondering how I do it all. I’d just smile….
Backpacking Dad, great point — each does what you’re best at and split the rest. In our house, I do painting, etc. and my husband makes the best italian dinners this side of italy.
And finally, maybe I’m part of a “dying” generation (I’m 48, kids 18 & 20) and the “new breed” of sons & daughters are now being raised to share the responsibilities of home and family equally. Lord knows I tried to raise my boys to do their share.
Kudo’s to you SAHD’s. Let me reiterate that the main thing is that BOTH parents being involved is key to how the kids turn out.
OK now have to go do my taxes….
Working Dad
03. Apr, 2008
Nice work RD, you’re even more stylish than your Bloomberg days. I agree, you guys packed a lot into a short time.
Dana Glazer
04. Apr, 2008
Excellent work, Brian. I knew you and Aaron as a team would give some resonance to this time-worn story. It’s unfortunate that the media can’t get around the typical approach that it always does (Mr. Mom in the title. Check. Mr. Mom movie clip. Check. Mention that SAHD’s are growing in number. Check. Avoid any mention of the larger issues that would make this a more progressive piece. Check!) However, all that said, it was great seeing you on the tube. Rock on, Brian, and looking forward to filming you myself in a few short weeks!
Dana
http://www.evolutionofdad.com
Lone Star Ma
04. Apr, 2008
Excellent piece! I loved it.
chip
05. Apr, 2008
Great piece Brian!
I think that another untold story is that of parents of older kids, where both work, and the dad does lots of the housework — case in point myself, former SAHD (many years ago), we both work, I do pretty much all cooking during week, most of the laundry etc, mainly because my work schedule is more flexible and I get home earlier than my wife.
I think this transition to sahd is probably not as much of an abrupt shift as it’s made out to be in part because I think it’s much less common to have the stark divide of the past between wife=housework, husband=outside work. I think for lots of us in two-career marriages, the idea of the guy cooking, doing laundry, shopping, etc. is part of our pre-kid experience.
MileHiDad
06. Apr, 2008
RE: Helen R. Young
Quote “And finally, maybe I’m part of a “dying” generation (I’m 48, kids 18 & 20) and the “new breed… End Quote
You are only as young as you feel babe! I am a 46 3/4 YO AHD to 5 YO and I am new breed, as are many of us AHDs! I attribute him for the physical prowess I now possess, for I am 30 lbs lighter and faster, and have never been in this kind of shape. After he was born, I had the realization of either get in shape now or get left in the dust.
So speak for yourself on dying, as I plan on at least another 50 years of life! There are many, and to quote you again new age moms End Quote at the park and playground, who if they do not start taking care of themselves, will not see their kid(s) graduate high school.
Helen R Young
06. Apr, 2008
Mile-hi Dad: I meant that figuratively. Most of the people I know from the “boomer” generation raised their kids with the parents in the “traditional” roles (except the mom worked AND took care of the household); and anything outside of that was considered unusual. Believe me there’s still a lot of life left in these “old” bones, I’m not ready to jump in the grave yet. My mom is still going at 91. I plan to surpass that, still kicking!