Today's Scourge: The Over-Involved Dad
Posted on 05. Mar, 2007 by Brian Reid in General
New York Magazine, which has done so much to gin up parenting trend stories that are overblown, silly or patently false, is at it again with a wonderful piece on “momblocking”: dads who dictate to mom how to parent (if they let her parent at all). It is apparently the gender-reversed version of overbearing “gatekeeper” moms.
The piece is wonderful not because it exposes the seedy and growing meanance of fathers who thoughtlessly cut their wives out of the diaper changing (and not because it quotes the charming and talented Greg Allen of Daddy Types). I’m fairly certain that momblocking is not a huge problem for New York mag readers. Indeed, I doubt it’s a particularly big problem for anyone, even Amy Sohn, the author. (The solution to momblocking — and gatekeeper moms — is the simple but sometimes painful elixer of constant communication.) Momblocking is certainly not an emerging trend.
No, the piece is wonderful because the editors at New York Magazine apparently think that they can blow 1,000 words on a made-up trend that focuses on overinvolved fathers and people will believe this is really a problem. In short, it is now plausible to think that dads — in general — are so generally involved in family life that they’re going overboard. Again, probably not true, but I’m just happy to live at a time where people think that’s possible.
BrianC - GratefulDad
06. Mar, 2007
I don’t think this story is about a trend in anything. I think it is about a dad(s) who is a control freak who always has to be right nad make mom wrong about parenting choices. (and probably other areas of their relationship as well)
I somehow don’t think their problems of a controlling dad will go away when Alice gets older. Obviously dad has issues that aren’t just going to go away. He is a control freak and that is something he needs to work on.
He feels he has to be right all the time, dominate in the parenting and seemingly invalidate what mom has to say or do in the role as mom. All of this will eventually cost in their relationship. The costs can be tremendous.
There are just as many, if not more dads, myself included who have their way of doing things, but still give thier wives or parnters room to parent their own way too. We communicate. A relationship is as good as the communication that it has. It is a shared responsibility, so give each other the respect, the room and support to do it together. Everybody will be happier for it.
Matt
06. Mar, 2007
I read the article with concern because I started to see some of myself in these wretched beasts. It does seem likely though that the person who spends more time with the child tends to be more domineering in regard to his/her child’s routines, clothes, food choices, etc.
I stay at home with my son Max, and I certainly identify with some of the vignettes mentioned in the article. My wife and I do partake in the “sometimes painful elixir of constant communication,” but identifying the problem doesn’t necessarily resolve the reality of the situation. I know what Max had an apple for lunch, so he shouldn’t have another one at dinner. I learned yestserday that Max trips on the jeans we just bought for him, so he shouldn’t wear them to the playground today.
This is tough for my wife on a couple levels. First, she is jealous that I get to spend so much time with Max (I would be too if the situation were reversed). Second, she naturally (but certainly not logically) questions her skills as a mother when she doesn’t know some of things that come through spending endless hours with Max. We’ve talked about these issues and I am learning to step back and let her experience Max on her own so she can experience the same joy (and pain) that I do.
We’ve only been doing this for 20 months– who would expect us to have it all figured out?
Rare Todd
06. Mar, 2007
Was the article placed after some more Anna Nicole drivel?